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I am a 39 year old wife and mom who struggles every single day of my life just to get out of bed. 

 

Bottle of Tears isn't something random. It is a vision that God gave me in the midst of my own pain and suffering. Some of you know my story and some don't.

I went many years wondering what was wrong with me. I knew I was very sick and doctor after doctor would misdiagnose me. Each diagnosis left me just feeling so alone and confused because my body kept getting worse. But the fatigue actually felt weightier than that, like I'd been carrying a bag of bricks so long and so far that I wasn't sure how much longer I could manage, desperate for relief. Finally, after years of being misdiagnosed, I found a doctor that listened and I found out I have Lyme disease.

I remember that day thinking "Praise the Lord, I have a real diagnosis.  I'm not really sure what Lyme disease is but at least these antibiotics will fix me." Oh man, I wish that would have been the case. You name it, I've done it. I've done rounds and rounds of intense antibiotic treatments, bicillin shots twice a week, holistic therapies, hyperbaric chambers, nutritional iv therapies, foot baths, saunas, drinking things that I still have nightmares about. And guess what friends?!

I'm still sick. But, I refuse to give up HOPE

 

I know that God has made me for more than just this sickness. 


I want to love others even in my brokenness.  I think for a long time I was waiting to be healed before I would allow myself to dream. Not anymore. Bottles of Tears was birthed out of the many hours of my own tears. Years later, I am just now realizing and am starting to grasp how much God loves me...just the way I am. He doesn't want me whole before I start to give of myself. 

So, here I am friends. I'm broken.
I'm in pain most of the day.
I am a mom to my precious adoptive daughter (who also has adoption trauma/struggles too many to list).
I'm here and want to pray for you. I want you to know that you aren't in this alone. Let's keep fighting! God hasn't given up on us.